Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? A Practical Guide to Dealing with Emotional Issues

Rating:3.5 Stars

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Julie Smith is a great and simple self-help book that provides readers with super practical tools and ideas to help deal with a variety of emotional issues, such as self-esteem, depression, and grief. The book follows the author’s success on TikTok, where she grew a huge audience by posting hints and tips on mental health during the pandemic. Her ability to address complex issues in a relatable fashion is echoed in the book, adding for me, a certain charm to the reading experience.

The book is divided into 8 big chapters, each addressing a different issue: dark places, motivation, emotional pain, grief, self-doubt, fear, stress, and living a meaningful life. As the chapters are broad, the book is set up in a way that readers can easily jump to the sections that they feel they need most at the moment.

I found the book well-organized and easy to read, and I think most readers will appreciate the author’s clear and practical advice, along with her TikTok videos. The downside of this book is its simplicity. However, because the book doesn’t dive too deep into research or science, it can feel like there is considerable repetition across various chapters on exercise, eating well, and gratitude. Despite this, I personally believe in the power of small steps and this book serves as an excellent starting point when addressing mental health. this along with the emphasises the importance of identifying and understanding one’s emotions, rather than simply trying to suppress negative feelings.

Overall, I found this book to be a valuable resource and would recommend it to anyone struggling with their emotions.

What I liked:

The book provides practical tools and ideas to help readers deal with a variety of emotional issues.
The author emphasises the importance of identifying and understanding one’s emotions, rather than simply

Quotes and Personal Highlights.

“Thoughts are not facts. They are suggestions offered up to us by the brain to help us make sense of the world.”

“So don’t concentrate on sleep, concentrate on relaxation, rest and calm. Your brain will do the rest.”

“You might notice that you feel the need for more reassurance from others when your mood is low. If you don’t get that extra reassurance you might automatically assume that they are thinking negatively about you. But that is a bias, and it is quite possible that you are your worst critic.”

“If you had lived with the meaning and purpose that you chose, how would you behave day to day? What would you work hard on? What would you let go? What would you commit to, even if you might not be able to complete it? Exploring death in that way can help us get clear on what matters now.”

“Physically moving your body can help to shift your mind when it is otherwise very difficult.”

“Something that I have come to realize over the years of working as a psychologist is how much people struggle with low mood and never tell a soul.”

“Describe any significant events that happened. What thoughts did you have at the time? How did that way of thinking impact on how you felt? Describe any emotions you noticed. What triggered those emotions? What urges did you have? How did you respond to the feeling? What were the consequences of your response?”

“Try writing down those thoughts and narratives. What can they tell you about what you are afraid of? What behaviours tend to follow a strong emotion? Do those behaviours help you in the short-term? What is their longer-term impact? Ask a trusted friend to go over the story with you and help you identify any biases or misunderstandings. Explore with them the different perspectives you might have.”

“Confident is not the same as comfortable.”

“But humans are not built to be in a constant happy state. We are built to respond to the challenges of survival.”

“Therefore, doing anything positive, however small, is a healthy step in the direction you want to go.”

“Anhedonia is something different. This is when we stop taking pleasure in the things that we used to enjoy. Anhedonia is associated with a number of mental health problems, including depression.”

“you have to get to work being your own coach instead of your own worst critic.”

“Thoughts are not facts. They are a mix of opinions, judgements, stories, memories, theories, interpretations, and predictions about the future.”

“Grief is a normal part of human experience. It is a necessary process to go through when we experience the loss of someone or something that we loved, needed, felt connected to and that held meaning in our life.”

“When we focus on trying to fix the problem, it is easy to underestimate the power of simply being there.”

“Stress has positive effects in the short term. The release of adrenaline in the stress response helps to fight both bacterial and viral infection in the body. It increases heart rate, sharpens cognitive function and dilates the pupils.”

“Procrastination is something everyone does. It’s when we put something off because the job we need to do triggers a stress reaction, or some other feeling that is aversive.”
“The thing about the human brain is that, when you believe something, the brain will scan the environment for any signs that the belief is true.”

“When you are low on energy, the chance of exercising goes down, along with your mood. Low mood gives you the urge to do the things that make mood worse.”

“If we don’t do the work to develop self-acceptance, we set ourselves up to live a life in which we may need constant reassurance, get trapped in jobs we hate or relationships that cause us harm, or find ourselves living with resentment.”

“What are the first signs for you that emotional discomfort is present? Is it a behaviour? Do you recognize your blocking or protective behaviours? Where do you feel the emotion in your body? What thoughts are there? What beliefs are you buying into about this situation? What effect is that having on you?”

“It reminds us that our mood is not fixed and it does not define who we are; it is a sensation we experience.”

“The more work we do on building self-awareness and resilience when all is well, the better able we are to face life’s challenges when they come our way.”
“When we feel anxious about something, the most natural human response is to avoid it. We know that if we stay away, we’ll feel safe, for now. But avoidance not only maintains anxiety, it makes it worse over time.”
“When outbreaths are longer and more forceful than inbreaths, this slows the heart rate and calms the body.”

“Not all low mood is unidentified dehydration, but when dealing with mood it is essential to remember that it’s not all in your head. It’s also in your body state, your relationships, your past and present, your living conditions and lifestyle. It’s in everything you do and don’t do, in your diet and your thoughts, your movements and memories. How you feel is not simply a product of your brain.”

“What would I do if I was at my best?”

“Our body temperature is affected by our environment, both internal and external, and we also have the power to influence it ourselves. Mood is much the same. When we experience low mood, it may have been influenced by several factors from our internal and external world, but when we understand what those influences are, we can use that knowledge to shift it in the direction we want it to go.”